What is going on with me?

I am so tired it's not funny. I seriously have to get to the blood clinic today for a test. I feel my energy is low, I'm craving sugar like an addict, I'm exercising my ass off and no weight is coming off, which is probably due to the serious cheating I'm doing - it's almost like an unconscious thing - I bought a icing laden cinnamon roll at Safeway the other day cause it was 99 cents! - what the hell was I thinking??!!! Oh, it couldn't hurt, I'm doing all this working out - well apparently it does. If I could just count my bloody points and stay off the crack (i.e. sugar) I will be fine.

My mood is also quite low - as in nothing is as fun as it used to be. I've got a great bike that all of sudden I don't want to ride anymore. I basically force myself to take it to the gym. I'm short on patience these days. It's hard to spend time with my mum, my husband's compulsive chewing on his friggin fingers all night long is driving me insane and it takes everything in me not to cave his skull in. I'd rather stay home and play Scrabulous all day. I'm so dramatic.

I went to Seattle for a day of shopping with my betrothed friend. No, I had fun, don't get me wrong, but I wish we were looking for shoes instead. Well maybe not, my right ankle is still fat. But I still love shoes. She's hilarious and silly and she's as bright and energetic as a beam of light. But my mood was flattened somewhat by the fact that I knew I would try on a lot of dresses that would not suit me or fit me and my self esteem would take a battering. Which it did. Bless my dear size 2 friend who kept bugging me to get the smaller size and she was so kind and so complimentary and so patient.

We were looking for an orange formal dress - it's her wedding scheme colour - of which we found 3 and of course, they were either not in my size or they looked like shit - designer shit, but despite my stunning beauty, I don't look good in everything, but I do look good in orange. And there are lots of orange casual dresses around, just not what I'm looking for. We also looked at black and white dresses. I have a tiny, short waist and a bit of a tummy, long, thick legs, long thick arms, great shoulders, and a pear shape. Ohmigod, I just made myself sound like a freak, didn't I? Which means A line silhouettes are good as long as they have empire waists, but no pleats or ruching on the stomach ..... well the point is most dresses don't suit me. That's why I only have a few and they're generally long. Like most women, I am smaller on the top than the bottom. Between Macy's and Nordstrom's and every boutique we could find, I found two formal dresses that looked good. Two. Well, in the colours we looked at. We were like mercenaries seeking out the enemy. The perfect dress.

I finally bought one of them. A long black gown with a plunging neckline highlighted by rhinestones in the cleavage. It was the first dress I put on that I actually thought I looked good in right away. The other one was a Jones New York dress, sheath like, white top, black bottom, should have been strapless but it had straps. Of course, I didn't get it, didn't think I could afford two dresses, but now I think I should have bought it. It kind of accentuated my child bearing (hah!) hips with the pleats which made me feel a tad self conscious. The long, black gown, I could wear at the night time reception, I guess and I'm sure I can get more use out of it. I still need a daytime formal dress though. Arrgh! I will get one made I think. This guerilla shopping for the perfect dress is nuts. Even for my own wedding, I had a gown made. Saved me a ton of grief and time. Do you think I should have one made,with maybe cream on top and dark orange on the bottom?

By the time we finished shopping, we were in serious need of a drink. We stopped at the Cheesecake Factory and I had a glass of wine, a salad (I only ate a 1/4 of it) and wait for it - a big honking piece of apple caramel cheesecake! I have no idea how many calories were in it and I don't want to know. Well, it had fruit, so that's good right? Honestly, who was I kidding with salad, I should have gone straight through to the dessert. It was soooo good and freaking worth it after pounding the pavement for 8 hours. I would have walked across glass for it.

Anyway, I'm off to take a blood test to find out what's what. Honestly, if anyone has any suggestions of vitamins or something that will give my mind and body a boost let me know.