Saturday, February 7, 2009

Waiting for retirement

60 year old #1

"A 60-year-old woman delivered twins at Calgary's Foothills Hospital Tuesday, family members confirmed. She is believed to be the oldest person in Canada to give birth.
Family members said Ranjit Hayer and her husband have been trying to have a child for years, to no avail. Reports say Hayer, originally from India, returned to the country to receive in vitro fertilization after being turned down in Canada because of her age.
Hayer gave birth to two boys, Manjot and Gurpreet.
Daljit, Hayer's younger sister, said the birth is especially significant, considering the importance of offspring in Indian culture."

60 year old #2

"A 60-year-old New Jersey psychologist gave birth to two boys Tuesday, making her possibly the oldest woman ever to deliver twins in the United States. Frieda Birnbaum gave birth to "Baby A" at 12:44 p.m. and "Baby B" a minute later by Caesarean section at Hackensack University Medical Center, hospital spokeswoman Nancy Radwin said. The twins each weighed 4 pounds, 11 ounces, she said. Birnbaum told CBS' The Early Show co-anchor Hannah Storm that age and longevity were not considerations for her. "I didn't know I was that old. And then I'm looking at the media and seeing '60-year-old woman.' I said, 'That's me?' Because I don't know what age means, you know? I feel like a 40-year-old." "

While you guys talk about that one woman soccer team supplier, I'd like to throw a little more tinder on the ethics and fertility fire. How old is too old? And what's the address of these accommodating clinics?

I see all these stories and I think, mmmm, what is all this supposed to mean? Did I give up on having children of my own too soon? Well, no, I don't think so. I was apprised of all the options I could choose including donor eggs and surrogates. I have to say I never really considered any of these options seriously because I wanted it our way or no way. I didn't have a bottomless emotional reserve or endless funds at my disposal. Like most people, I just wanted to start a family with the partner I loved. I didn't want a child at any cost. It wasn't my reason for being on this earth. I wasn't craving love I didn't receive as a child. I didn't want to be famous for it or have a show. I didn't think I could do a better job than somebody else. The desire was born out of love and willingness to share my life, the usual reasons, blah, blah, blah.

I never thought I would feel as shitty as I did at not being able to become pregnant and deliver a child. I never counted on the devastation that swept through my life. I never realized that not only my life would be affected, but both our families would mourn. I could have had more surgeries I guess, gone south of the border in search of young, fresh eggs of African American women. Could have. Did not.

I went to plan B, and opened up my life to the joys of adoption. Instead of paying money to lawyers and social workers and adoption agencies and the plethora of businesses that have sprung up from that, I should be saving my money for retirement. Cause that's when I could finally give birth to the preemies of my dreams. What was I thinking? That way, when my kids are school age, I'll be dead or ready for diapers and creamed corn. I can barely remember where I hide Christmas presents, what the hell is going to happen when I can't keep track of a teenager's whereabouts? Do Pampers come in adult sizes? Or yes, they do, they're called Depends! Oh, yeah, I know - I sound ageist. I just hope for the sake of these young children that these people age really, really well, or at least have extended family just in case.

Let's face it, I'm pretty much pushing the envelope now. If I had a child right now, they just might be too mortified to bring their friends home. (Who is that, your grandma? Sssh, don't wake her - just let me snag the car keys!) No, I shouldn't say that, I'm pretty frigging hot for my age. As a matter of fact, I got carded at the hockey game last night. Hah!

If anyone every accuses you of being obsessed, just print and shove those articles under their noses! Obsession, dedication - I'll let you decide!


OHN said...

I had a conversation with a friend this weekend. We were talking about this whole thing of the mom with 14 kids etc.

We then got on to how old is too old. She felt you are never too old as long as you can handle it.

I feel that I finally know why people think that the youngest child is always so spoiled.

It isn't because they are is because the parents are too exhausted to really care about the "small stuff". I am 51 and have a 14 year old. I think I could still handle, say, an child above 5 but way in hell. I need my sleep.

I can't even imagine being 9 years older than I am and having a new baby. I would probably need the help of many to survive!

There is a time when common sense needs to kick in over everything else.

Wordgirl said...


These ethics questions really tie my brain in knots! I keep thinking -- well, if that is a person's desire -- even the octuplet mom, as much as I hate to say it, has the right to her reproductive choices -- and here's where I get into mind-bending territory -- I think 'well, nature has a built-in protection from, say octuplet births' -- or it generally doesn't allow for a natural conception at 60 -- but nature clearly has a built-in mechanism to keep ME from conceiving and I'm not willing to let it go at that --

but as people routinely live vigorous lives into their sixties --can we say 'nope' not for you... but do we let anyone who can pony-up knock themselves up? Who gets to say 'no, you can't do that because xyz.'

I just can't imagine I would want to at that age. I think of my mother at 65, and imagine her with a five year old. She would be so pissed! It would cramp her style!



Lori Lavender Luz said...

You got carded!? You ARE hot!

I'm already teaching my kids how to make me some creamed corn.

luna said...

you are pretty frigging hot, for any age!

aside from not having the energy to take proper care of a toddler in my 60s, I don't think it's really fair to the child. I know 60 is the new 50 and so on, but still.

I already think about how old I'll be if my kid ever graduates from high school or college. will I ever be a grandmother even? I know that's all for me, but it's not only that. my kid would never get to share those same experiences (e.g., parenthood) with their mother, and I'd like to think that would be a loss for them too.

and yeah, a kid could be embarrassed by a grandma ma.

Guera! said...

Catching up on your posts. I don't know quite what to say about the articles. I am still stuck on the woman with six kids who gave birth to octuplets and now has fourteen. I can't quite reconcile that one.
Sounds like you had a productive time at the actors workshop and that your husband is very supportive! I bet it was weird though to watch that scene together.

loribeth said...

Some interesting stuff in the news lately, hmmm?? I hate to set limits, especially on other people's choices. For my own part, though, age was most certainly a consideration when I decided to stop infertility treatment at 40. There were others, but I knew that, at that age, the odds were not in my favour, and also, just how old did I want to be & still chasing a toddler around?? or worrying about college tuition & retirement at the same time?? Dh is four years older than me & that was definitely something he was concerned about.

You really got carded?? Yay you!!

Evergreen said...

Hear, hear. The emotional and financial toll of ART is so intense. That's why we switched to adoption at this point - to preserve a little funds and my emotional well being. People either seem to encourage you to do more (more IVFs, DE, etc) or to hop right into adoption.

As far as age, I can't imagine being 60 and then doing it - what are these parents thinking? It's not now they need to worry about, but when their kids are 20 and having to care for an aging parent when they are in college.

For a while my local grocery store was carding everyone (they got busted for selling under age) - it was awesome! But not quite as awesome as being carded at the hockey game!