Phone's ringing and ringing. It's anxiety on the line for me. Fuck, I thought she lost my number.
Feeling a bit anxious here. Not sure why. Felt overwhelmed grocery shopping. Had to chant under my breath to keep from bursting out in tears in the meat department. But I used coupons and saved $50 and earned 120 airmiles! How exciting.
Was it looking for a new dog that did it? Was it waiting to hear about a part I auditioned for (and obviously didn't get)? Is it all reminding me of what I LOST? Went to a terrific film premiere that a friend of mine produced on recovering from eating disorders. I was in the film talking about the importance of community. I sounded intelligent. There was a line somewhere in the film about feeling invisible which is reverberating in me. When I returned from Banff, I threw myself into work and my list of things to do. I spent a full day at the emergency child care course by St. John's Ambulance - passed with flying colours! Shopped for the perfect lingerie outfit complete with sky high red heels that killed my back. And yes, our romantic Valentine's was worth it.
My mum came over last night for dinner - I know I gave her too much booze (she had wine, beer and a Bailey's). Totally my fault, she likes her booze and I let her have it. Bad daughter. Apparently, our side of the family loves their booze. For a while there, it was all fun and games but she ended up peeing herself and I had to change her adult diaper. Which sounds easy but results in me giving her directions that she finds too hard to follow and the whole thing gets messy. Her care conference is today (we all sit down and talk about her needs in the home) and luckily a care aide reminded me yesterday. Then I have to go to my typing job.
My friend's beta test is on Friday. I love her so much, I'm scared. Of either result.
Yep, remember that promise to seek therapy if I should need it? I'm in. My ego is not getting enough attention from me apparently so it's seeking negative reinforcement. It's not going to win this time.