Monday, November 24, 2008

Now comes the tough part

Things have gotten worse instead of better here. My girlfriend is weaker. I went out Saturday night to spend time with an old friend and when I came home, she was on the toilet, unable to get up. I asked her how long she had been there, but she said it had only been a few minutes. I did mention that she probably needed a raised seat last week but she brushed off the suggestion and now here I was planting my right leg between her, her arms around my neck and my arms under her arms, hauling her upright. It seemed like a long time to go 6 ft. She sat on the edge of the bed, breathless. Last night, a friend of hers dropped by and before he left, I quietly murmured to him how bad it really was. Someone had to know, I was leaving in a few days, someone had to know the truth. Then we repeated another late night lifting ritual after she nodded off on the toilet for over an hour. I knew she had, but I waited patiently for her to ask for help. She needs to ask for help. I waited and I waited and by the time I had gotten her to her bed, she was sweating with effort, unable to raise her head off her chest. She seems bound and determined to stay in her home, and get more help or friends to come in but really she needs a couple of weeks of in a respite care facility. She cannot get down the steep flight of stairs to the front door. She cannot get herself something to eat or drink. She cannot prepare the herbs she wants to take. A few extra hours here and there with a support worker will not make a difference. She's fighting it, but I only have a couple more days to be like water over a stone. She says she wants to think about it, but time is running out. I stayed while the nurse came to check on her, making sure she really knew what was going on instead of what my girlfriend allowed her to know. She shot daggers at me with her eyes, but I didn't care. I'm the Buddhist with an Edge.

Another relative is coming next week, but are they prepared to be with her 24/7? Can they lift her time after time after time? Is their back strong? I know she'll get better, but for now my love comes in homemade soup, a ready smile and a boot up the ass.

5 comments:

Portraits In Sepia said...

oh boy. Your friend certainly is determined to hang on to her dignity and pride isn't she? My heart breaks for her.

Pamela Jeanne said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again, you're an angel -- and a good one who is not afraid to speak up when needed. Wishing you both strength...

luna said...

that is so very difficult. you are a wonderful friend, providing just what she needs. such a terrible disease.

loribeth said...

It sounds like she really shouldn't be left alone. This must be so difficult for you to witness, especially knowing that your time with her is limited. :( (((hugs)))

annacyclopedia said...

Oh, sweetie. I'm taking a few minutes now to send you both some lovingkindness.

May you be happy and peaceful.
May you be healthy and well.
May you be safe from inner and outer danger.
May you live with ease in this world.