I think hubby's been having what they call a midlife crisis. I was just thrown because I thought that didn't happen until 50 something. I've been googling around and he seems to have many of the classic symptoms, irritability, roller coaster emotions, insomnia, self medication, feeling "lost", a sense that time is running out on him; he's lost a lot of weight and is tailoring his suits. He's very concerned about his appearance. And of course, he walks in and sees me sitting on the couch watching Oprah, not exactly the little hottie he met 10 yrs ago. We're not where we thought we'd be, still renting, no child, too much debt and not enough disposable income to buy first without looking at the tag or waiting for half price sales. I don't make a lot of money, still waiting for my big break and living paycheque to paycheque. So, it's all my fault or at least I'm a handy target.
I have no idea if he realizes this or even if he did, would it make any difference? I expect it wouldn't. "Oh, I'm having a mid life crisis, a bit early, I feel so much better now!" If he's hellbent on looking at me like an anchor around his neck, then there's not much I can do about it. Love, patience, understanding can be extended but it's up to him if he accepts it.
I'm learning to look at this as an opportunity to redefine my life. Unlike my husband, I do have interests and pursuits of my own, so I've managed to learn how to revitalize my spirits and remain hopeful about life. I think he's mainly been concerned about taking care of me and my happiness which is probably why he's so unhappy. I've got strategies to cope with stress, and so I look to them now. I would prefer not to spend my morning hours sweating on a very uncomfortable bike, but hey, if it improves my health and gives me a shot at buying a new wardrobe, what the hell? I'm in. And my Buddhist practise refreshes me, gives me hope, keeps me strong. I'll keep trying to reach the wisdom that I know is there. If he's done taking care of me, then I need to take care of myself. I already know I'm a strong woman. I'm tired of viewing myself through his eyes. He can't see too well at the moment, so why should I trust his vision?
I'll be there for him, but not as a whipping boy or doormat. I wonder if it's occurred to him that he's not the adoring, playful, uncomplicated young man that I used to know?
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2 comments:
No, you shouldn't trust his vision. So good on you for getting on that bike every morning and taking care of yourself right now.
I wish for you peace... irregardless of what your husband decides. But I hope that somehow he finds his way back...
(((HUGS))) My dh (turned 50 this year) has been going through a midlife crisis the last few years. I'm thankful that he hasn't replaced me with a younger blonde model, & a Porsche hasn't appeared in the driveway (although he did buy himself an electric guitar!!). But all the other symptoms you mentioned fit him to a T, & have been getting worse the last few years -- incredibly irritable & moody, hates his job, obsesses about his health, feels time is running out & he hasn't accomplished anything in his life, etc. He knows this is what it is, has read about it, but doesn't seem to want to do anything to pull himself out of it. I'm finding it really hard to cope with the constant negativity, even when it's not directed at me personally. SIGH. You're not alone!
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