Thank you so much for you loving comments about Sampson. It was a tough week actually. DH made a Powerpoint presentation with over 40 pictures of Sampson set to the music of Who Knew by Pink and surprised me with it. I bawled my eyes out as he held me. It was really beautiful. Had we had a child, we would have a gajillion pictures of him or her, but we had Samps, so we took tons of pictures of him.
(Strangely enough, I had taken same pictures and was going to make a movie for DH with the same music.) I was happy to have it but at the same time, I was taken aback at how strongly I cried. I guess it was a reminder that grief is inconstant. It comes and goes. The daily walks, the doggy report I would give DH each day, the constant care and attention I was used to giving. I don't even vacuum as much, silly, but I missed complaining about his hair all over the place. We haven't found another rhythm so to speak to fill the void. DH is getting a tattoo of his paw on his leg next week and I will be getting some of the ashes put in a locket. I'm considering a tattoo myself, if you can believe it. I'm not a huge fan of tattoos on my pristine brown skin - but a little tiny one of Big Boy's name in white script sounds cool. But where would I put it? I would want to see it, but I might have to cover it if I'm on camera and it showed. Not sure. I'm sure we'll get another dog one day, maybe next year. We're just dog people.
It was good to cry. At least the Effexor hasn't numbed me completely. I don't think the meds are working out. I have no sex drive to speak of, I wake up in a funk and then after I take the pills, I can't sit still - though the house is clean and I'm thinking of putting a pool in the office - and then I settle down to a stoic mood in the afternoon. I don't crave alcohol at all, but when I do have a drink, I don't feel my little giddy usual self. As a matter of fact, it doesn't even taste as good. Yeah, I know, I'm not supposed to drink but I went to a film festival party, which was incredibly bad, and I had a couple that night cause it was free. I just felt cruddy by the time I went home. And food does not taste the same. It's a bit off. Which is not entirely bad, cause I could stand to lose another 20 lbs. but I need to salt food just to taste it and I don't put salt on anything but french fries. I'm going back to the doc this week, but I could use some advice - Teendoc is on vacation - I thinking I might be better off without this stuff.
One More for the Reader ... - Hopefully this will go out on the reader -- that I am shutting her down today (well making it accessible to those who give me their email addresses anyway)...
2 years ago