Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Raising awareness

I just have to share this little bit with you that I got from A Road Less Travelled. From the National Post article.

Also this comprehensive article from Chateleine: http://en.chatelaine.com/english/health/article.jsp?content=20070213_095702_5452&page=1. It also mentions that Ontario covers IVF if you have bilaterally blocked fallopian tubes. Does anyone know if that is still the case because later is says it was delisted from the provincial health plan?


"Accepting infertility is an enormously emotional and difficult challenge
for any couple," she says. "The biggest hurdle to overcome is gaining the
ability to see that this is not the end of the world, that there are other
options, and that each can provide a satisfying and rewarding
future."

Accepting and moving on is indeed a mighty mountain to climb, both
couples say. And even when the decision is behind them, those who choose to
remain child-free will always have a sense of loss and longing, Dalit Hume
says.

"It is not something you can ever completely get over," she says. "You
have to accept that a continuing sense of loss is natural; motherhood and
fatherhood is hard-wired into us. What you must do is understand those feelings
will be part of your life always, and then find other raisons d'etre."

I guess that since we decided to adopt, I've occasionally felt guilty for mourning the loss of our own biological child, even though that was never going to happen. I still craved the intimate experience of pregnancy and childbirth that other people seemed to have. There are days when I think my life is fine without kids and I can barely manage to walk the dog sometimes and then there are times when I just sit and think about holding a baby to my chest, breathing in that lovely scent from the top of their heads. I think of stinky diapers and sleepless nights and then I think of showing them some incredible animal or teaching them to ride a bike. Seesaw. DH, for some strange reason, has been showing me articles of surrogacy in Canada and reminding me that I had great eggs. Great 44 year old dusty eggs, I remind him. He must be on that same seesaw.

Got another phonecall about a possible "situation" - yes, we threw our hat into the ring. Seesaw.

6 comments:

luna said...

great article. good luck with the "situation."

(btw, your comment about my grandma made me cry, in a good way, thanks.)

Emily (Apron Strings) said...

I think it's only natural to grieve the loss of the child we'd never have. Unfortunately, it's a loss that most people can't understand because it's not a loss that is easily "visible." So I think you have every right to feel that loss.

Of course ... I guess I should practice what I preach!

And good look with the possible situation. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Foreverhopeful said...

I feel the same way. I still long for the chance to be pregnant and even have biological children. And even though I haven't completely moved on, there are days when I'm ok but days that I can't help but feel sad for my situation and be overwhelmed with all that I have endured.

Pamela Jeanne said...

Dalit Hume took the words right out of my head...thanks for sharing this. Even now, I crave reassurance where I can that I'm not alone in my thinking, grieving and well, you know, coming to terms...

Anxious to hear more about the situation!

loribeth said...

My understanding is that Ontario de-listed IVF some years ago & does not cover it now, except if you can prove that both tubes are blocked.

Good luck with that "situation!"

Portraits In Sepia said...

Good luck. Looking forward to reading more.