Friday, July 10, 2009

Trust and truth

There's a certain degree of loss of privacy when you've been down the infertile path. You've had so many people in your hooha, the countless visits to blood labs, so many people who have inquired about your childless state, the coming out of the closet so to speak and the lectures you've delivered. And then there's my blog. My guts in print. Forever. Oh, and when you announce that you're adopting, much to the relief of your friends and acquaintances, then you've got to deal with the constant, "So, any news on the adoption thing?" I won't even talk about the lovely homestudy process. I'm not real big on lying to people, I'm pretty open. My husband hates this, but I spent all of my childhood repressing events and emotions because I was taught to keep my "business" to myself. This has resulted in big, fat blanks in my childhood memories and depression.

I am only fairly private with people in show business. They will spill your beans faster than you can blink. This is obvious cause all you have to do is read the rags at the supermarket checkout stands. If a celebrity misbehaves for whatever reason, it's news. Generally speaking, people in the industry are not kind to one another and if you have a bad day, everybody will find out about it. The less important you are, the more inexcusable it is. Even an background extra will be dismissed for looking at the star the wrong way. It's stupid. But if you get cancer, then you're a saint. There are a lot of instant "friendships" and when you spend 12 hours a day with someone, you talk a lot, but the minute the gig is over, it's like you don't exist anymore. Just look at all the hookups in Hollywood that occur when people work together and what happens when the project stops. I no longer think people I work with are my friends.

This is why genuine connections with people are so very important to me. I'm truthful with people, and I expect the same. Bringing truth to the moment is my creative motto.

I don't grill people when I talk to them, they can share with me whatever they choose, I don't need to know details, frankly most of the time, I don't want to know. Trusting that we'll have a child to raise one day, now that's an idea that we have to get used to.


Guera! said...

I was thinking about you today.

Beautiful Mess said...

It can be hard to go down another path of thinking. Especially when it's so frightening. I'm walking down that path with you, holding your hand if you need it.

Io said...

I am so excited for you! I hope that you can trust, and that that trust is proven true. There is good and I hope you have found it.

luna said...

holy crap, I'm just catching up with you now. sounds very promising. M and I are so very excited for the possibilities... xo to you.

Anonymous said...

I'm excited for you about this match. This expectant mother sounds lovely!