It's a beautiful day today and I guess I should be out enjoying it. The park will be busy today, full of tourists and locals alike, walking, cycling, jogging. And of course, dogs pulling their owners around. I can look out my window and see parents with their children in strollers, or toddlers stopping to examine every little this and that.
I was talking to a friend the other day as she examined every little twinge, feeling, or temperature reading that was either taking her to or away from conceiving. It was great talking to her, keeping her company. I'm not on the TTC train with her of course. It's more like I'm texting her encouraging messages while I'm on another train, the ADOPTION train. Like her, I have no idea of where my stop is or when I will get off or what the town will look like when I get there. My journey and destination will be different. How so? I'm preparing our "press kit" of our lives, trying to find pictures that will attract a young woman to choose us, a compelling story of our urban lives, some letter to touch her heart. And I'll have an entourage waiting for me: a birth mum, lawyers, agencies, immigration officials, social workers and most importantly, a child who just wants to be loved and cared for.
I remembered my first embryo transfer; is it like remembering your first kiss? They put in two 3 day embryos (no blastocysts or eggs left over for freezing from that cycle but I didn't care; I only needed one), and I was enjoying a calm, slow walk in the woods with my dog. It was warm and sunny, I could smell the green of the trees, and feel pockets of warm air all around me. I had been chanting for hours every day, I'd been working out and felt fit and strong. I had done all the hard work, covered all the angles and to boot, I had plunked down my money for science to fix the problem. I was calm and assured that all was well. And my temperature was perfect that morning. I walked carefully so I wouldn't stumble over a tree root and fall down. I talked to my babies and I KNEW that they were there. It was a perfect day.
It's one of those memories you put in a box and bring out on a rainy day.... or a sunny day.
Here's to wishing for another perfect day when I bring my kosen rufu* baby home.
Kosen-rufu: Literally, to "widely declare and spread (Buddhism)." To secure lasting peace and happiness for all humankind through the propagation of true Buddhism; world peace