Thursday, February 14, 2008

Do these pants make me look fertile?

This Valentine's was a little different. Stick with me here. First of all we went out for dinner last night, as we had dance class tonight and what could be more romantic than the rumba? Also, most restaurants are booked solid and rush you through dinner so they can have another seating. So hubby made reservations at a beautiful Italian restaurant owned by a well known chef. It was beautiful and romantic. (side note, as I was getting ready I discovered that the satin strapless top I bought last year, no longer fits me, nor did my sexy, black pants with side slits. I tried to pin the top to my bra so it wouldn't slide down, that didn't work, so I switched tops. I pinned the pants at the back.) Dinner was long and leisurely and the food was exquisite, we talked and talked. And then we realized that last year, we were having Valentine's dinner during the 2 ww, and 2 yrs before that the same thing happened. I remembered how excited and hopeful we were. Needless to say this time, I guzzled my wine with no guilt and much relief.

When we got home, we retired to the boudoir, me slipping on a satin nightshirt. And we continued to talk, but it started going sideways for some strange reason. Hubby seemed to be deliberately trying to pick a fight with me. All week, he was constantly snuggling me at night and now he wouldn't even reach out to touch me. And then I recalled a conversation we had a couple weeks ago where he confided that he was really worried that I would get pregnant since my UAE procedure. I thought he was over that since we've made love since then, but apparently not. It was a week full of sweet words, affection and massive snuggling, but also a lot of book reading and fatigue and yes, even a headache. We eventually decided to stop talking and get busy, but we talked it out the next morning.

He apologized and admitted he was still worried that I would get pregnant, and because of my age, my old decrepit eggs and Down's syndrome statistics it would end disastrously, and send us plunging down in the depths again. Don't even say that out loud. He even started to grill me about when my last period was. (Fuck, I'm more worried about menopause.) Now you have to realize that last weekend, we found out a friend has miscarried at 3 months (for the 2nd time) and that another friend of hours had had 2 miscarriages in the past 7 months. And another close friend just did their first IUI, so conception and/or pregnancy loss is in the air.

The thought had occurred to me as well, but I have no fantasies about my UAE giving me a whole new uterus. Or fresher eggs. I've been perfectly happy that I can walk the dog for 45 minutes without having to pee. I told him, honey, I haven't managed to get pregnant in the whole decade we've been together, on our own or with incredibly expensive drugs and a legion of scientists, this is not the time to worry about it.

So tonight we danced the rumba (great), waltz (we sucked) and fox-trotted, laughed til we cried, and had Dairy Queen (the ice cream sandwich is only 3 points!)

Who knew that looking fertile could be a problem?

1 comment:

Pamela Jeanne said...

Your post title gave me a great laugh! And what an odd turn of events you describe. (I, too, feel more concerned now about menopause than pregnancy.)

So glad there was laughing and dancing and ...!