I have another shower coming up this weekend. As much as I've progressed, I still don't like attending showers. I really like this girl, too, but my Buddhist district is organizing it and of course, it hasn't occurred to the co-ordinator (despite sharing my experience last week) that I may not be entirely comfortable going to one. I said I'd bring meatballs. Oh, brother, there are going to be decorations.
Help! Do I go and make a brief appearance, do I drop the meatballs over early and then make an excuse? Maybe it won't be so bad. Maybe I'm just having a knee-jerk reaction. It's not about me, right? It's about a really wonderful, sensitive, intelligent, young couple bringing in a much wanted baby into their lives. And who knows,maybe we can hang out one day with both our babies......AAAGHHH, I don't know.
I'm going to digress here a bit. I went to have my hairs pulled out of my snatch yesterday, oh, sorry, I mean have a bikini wax, and we were chatting about my family visit and my esthetician asks if I'd like to have children. I say, I'd love to but I can't - insert uncomfortable pause - but I'm adopting. To which she enthusiastically replies that it's so much better to give a home to a needy child. You ever notice that when you say that, people always seem to feel better? You can almost hear the audible sigh of relief.
This made me think of those who will remain childless. There's no "happy ending" to the "I'd love to but I can't" line. I can think ahead to a time when I can invite people over to see the new baby (albeit it will have to be after the 30 day waiting period where the birth mother can change her mind). I can plan a nursery, buy stuffed animals, baby clothes. But I still feel ... hollow...in a way. Not sure what the feeling is yet.
Anyhow.... any advice, tips, suggestions?