It's not often we hear about how men feel about infertility, do we? Especially if it's their sperm count that's low or non-existent. The male factor, they call it. Are there any blogs out there like that? Let me know.
I had a conversation with my hubby last night and he revealed to me that he still wasn't over the whole finality of not being able to have his own biological child. It's funny, he went from being ambivalent about having children to being completely committed. I always knew he would make a great dad. He got along so well with kids. He has a hell of a lot more patience that I do.
And yet, he doesn't like to talk about it at great length like I do and analyze and twist it that way and this way. He says he likes to just think about solutions and since this one didn't work it, he wants to move on to the next thing. Let's not dwell on it, he says. But it doesn't work like, does it? Grief isn't complete within couple weeks... or even a couple of months.
I think it became sort of like a competition for him - he really wanted to win. And with every negative result, his heart broke just as badly as mine. He had to put up with a lot of stupid ass comments himself. Most of his friends have children, and a couple of them aren't the best candidates for Father of the Year awards. And yet, there you have it. They got'em, he doesn't.
Weird how much power a dream inherent in a frozen embryo can hold over you.