Tuesday, August 21, 2007

So What Do You Think, Dear?

It's not often we hear about how men feel about infertility, do we? Especially if it's their sperm count that's low or non-existent. The male factor, they call it. Are there any blogs out there like that? Let me know.

I had a conversation with my hubby last night and he revealed to me that he still wasn't over the whole finality of not being able to have his own biological child. It's funny, he went from being ambivalent about having children to being completely committed. I always knew he would make a great dad. He got along so well with kids. He has a hell of a lot more patience that I do.

And yet, he doesn't like to talk about it at great length like I do and analyze and twist it that way and this way. He says he likes to just think about solutions and since this one didn't work it, he wants to move on to the next thing. Let's not dwell on it, he says. But it doesn't work like, does it? Grief isn't complete within couple weeks... or even a couple of months.

I think it became sort of like a competition for him - he really wanted to win. And with every negative result, his heart broke just as badly as mine. He had to put up with a lot of stupid ass comments himself. Most of his friends have children, and a couple of them aren't the best candidates for Father of the Year awards. And yet, there you have it. They got'em, he doesn't.

Weird how much power a dream inherent in a frozen embryo can hold over you.

7 comments:

sharah said...

Go to the Stirrup-Queens and scroll down to the IF categories on the right-hand side. There's a section labeled "The Elusive Male Point of View" that are IF blogs written by men. Some are MF, and some are men with partners who are IF. Enjoy!

Pamela Jeanne said...

Dreams are next to impossible to release. As for your question -- Mel over at Stirrup Queens has a blogroll by category -- one of them is Male Factor.

In our case we each contributed a factor. In a way it made it easier since neither could ever fully feel responsible or entirely guilty. We both wanted to make a baby badly but both contributed in our own special way to the unsuccessful outcome. Sigh.

Reproductive Jeans said...

male perspective:

http://fertilefrank.blogspot.com/

Have a great weekend=)

Reproductive Jeans said...

And we deal with MF too-forgot to mention that!

Bea said...

Male POV blogs - DI Dad, Synamo Dad, The End of My Line, Frank N Beans - there are a couple of others, linked to from there. I've mentioned these as they're male-written male-factor.

Bea

Frank N. Beans said...

Hi,
Thanks for your comment. If you are looking for other "male voices" check out the sidebar on my blog. Eric actively writes about the perspective of a DI dad, Matthew and his wife are going through IF treatment (chronicled at Maybe Baby), and Smarshy has stopped writing about IF, but his blog is still highly entertaining (plus, some great older posts).

Kami said...

It was MFI that sent us to the RE. Sadly, because of my fears in moving to IVF, it is AMA that has lead to DE. It is a funny twist. We had talked about doing DI several years ago, but we wanted to give his genes every fighting chance. I still wonder if my eggs would be ok if they could be grown and fertilized in a natural environment.

I have suggested that my husband blog about his POV, but he isn't that interested. I think it is because he already talks about it a lot more than he would like. He takes life as it is and moves on. I only go kicking and screaming.