Thursday, May 7, 2009

Hanging in there

I am feeling a little meh today. Inevitably, this means I must take action, I'm just not sure which one. We got another enquiry from our agency, I asked for our profile to be submitted and once again, it went over our financial threshold. This child was already born. Sigh. Honestly, if we had known then what we know now, we would have tried the surrogacy route in the States or maybe even India. Now, my eggs are toast. Haha. DH and I had a little chat the other morning - he's getting pessimistic and it took everything in me to sound hopeful. He's wary of his age and is wondering if it's worth it to have a 20 year old and be in your sixties. I really, really hate to see him so discouraged. The one time we do get chosen and it's loaded with problems and the ones that "seem" favourable, it's dangled beyond our reach. I know it's all theoretical in a way, there are no guarantees of a happily ever after, yet it seems so cruel. We went from being this special couple who would have a child by "Christmas" and now everyone is scratching their heads as to why it's taking so long. Good things come to those who wait? I'm not one to believe in negative signs from the universe. Only positive ones. Our profile, we are told, is not the problem, but if changes are to be made, that's an easy fix. He's contemplating opening up our request for other children, older children. So I went to two provincial waiting children lists. I don't think we can go to another province though. We didn't want a "conspicuous" adoption initially, attachment issues seem to be difficult as it was. But who knows?

A friend of ours is just weeks away from bringing her Ethiopian child home. She's seen him grow to almost 12 months in photos. His room is ready and waiting for him, her son after such a long time. I am happy and relieved for her. To know this child is there sitting in an orphanage just waiting for paperwork to be signed and sealed, the yearning for him was heartbreaking.

As I surf adoption blogs, I read that some wait a year, some wait a few weeks. I don't have a picture. I don't have anything to hang on to. Just a whisper of a hope. I guess I'm in good company.

Meanwhile, Juno has eased the waiting a bit. She's exhausting. When she's sleepy, she's as sweet as pie. When she's revved up, she's like Lucifer on crack.


loribeth said...

There's definitely lots of other people out there waiting along with you, although I know that's small comfort.

LOL re: "Lucifer on crack"!!!

Beautiful Mess said...

I'm here hanging in there with ya! I'll always be here sending you hugs and annoying you with my rainbows and sunshine.

annacyclopedia said...

Holding you in my heart as you continue to wait.

And yeah, that last comment about Juno totally cracked me up. Too funny!