tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064998953162723258.post2213926812115355664..comments2023-04-13T02:27:19.699-07:00Comments on A Woman My Age: Food for thoughtDeathstarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03925549983959400448noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064998953162723258.post-45904051314771196592008-04-10T08:30:00.000-07:002008-04-10T08:30:00.000-07:00I am so excited for your creative work -- I like t...I am so excited for your creative work -- I like the idea that you are out there working on your work...and I've been thinking about it too...there's so much in this community to learn from isn't there? Sometimes the sheer humanity of it all is boggling -- but you're right -- what is this all about, if not connection?<BR/><BR/>I do think about what it takes to maintain connections throughout this process -- as it shifts and changes at different points for different people -- it takes a willingness really on both parties to embrace a bit of their own uncomfortability and fear I think in many ways, don't you? I think it is an incredible vulnerability for both -- to open your heart to the success of others when you might be experiencing failures -- and to open yourself to the failures when you are experiencing success and joy, albeit tentatively -- because you want to be in a joyful, hopeful place...it is a thorny thing isn't it?<BR/><BR/>I find that I'm mostly angry at infertility for being one more effing thing I have to work at. (Laughing). No, but really...I mean, Dear God It's Me Wordgirl -- do I really have to do this to?<BR/><BR/>And I understand about the career/focus/energy thing -- I feel like I have poured so much energy into this fertility project that my writing has suffered...and to find my balance again is really challenging.<BR/><BR/>And the pain, the pain of it all -- when you want to breathe through it and be there... but it is just so hard.<BR/><BR/>I LOVED Angels in America...how cool a model would that be.<BR/><BR/>I'm at the beginning of this big project too -- this novel and I've just kind of worked the edges of it and your mind worries over it for a while until you find this little crack to open up -- and then it splits open and the creativity flows....<BR/><BR/>hooray! Here's to creative projects and living in our hearts!<BR/><BR/>PamWordgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06580973104447557466noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064998953162723258.post-25875878900272478462008-04-02T11:04:00.000-07:002008-04-02T11:04:00.000-07:00Wow there is so much I could touch on this post. ...Wow there is so much I could touch on this post. My Dh was just telling me the other day how angry he was at infertility and what it took away from us, our marriage and what it did to me. IF changes us in so many ways and its a continual process of healing, discovering who we really are and accepting our reality (because nothing went the way we expected or planned at all). I can't wait to read more about your play.One Viewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16092873478760754270noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064998953162723258.post-36053209528893730312008-03-29T08:08:00.000-07:002008-03-29T08:08:00.000-07:00So much to feast on here. I'm glad you're not play...So much to feast on here. I'm glad you're not playing Scrabulous and instead sat down to write. You've been doing some serious thinking and with it triggering waves of memories and the emotions associated with them. Not surprisingly I find a great deal in common here. That's the way it is when we've shared such a powerful, life-altering experience and why we continue to seek each other out across the Internet. I can't tell you how many times I've been grateful to read a post, write my own, locate a new blog, and know that I'm not alone in this strange and at times very confusing place. I don't think I would have been able to go so deep in person. There's something about reading, absorbing, relating and writing that allows us to safely address that which is troubling us or helping us to become new and stronger individuals.<BR/><BR/>It's satisfying to see people grow and heal and then there are days when I wonder why I'm not growing and healing faster. There's definitely great material for a dramatic series. Keep working it!Pamela T.https://www.blogger.com/profile/11474998003921896431noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064998953162723258.post-6259227239983823722008-03-28T18:17:00.000-07:002008-03-28T18:17:00.000-07:00Can't wait to check back for more.Can't wait to check back for more.Guera!https://www.blogger.com/profile/12616928404421960462noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064998953162723258.post-32304795289428475042008-03-28T06:10:00.000-07:002008-03-28T06:10:00.000-07:00Wow. I wanted to write that you had "great materia...Wow. I wanted to write that you had "great material," but that term is somehow belittling to your feelings and experience. I'm really excited to see how you shape and craft this play. <BR/><BR/>It feels like you're on to something really compelling. Tell us more, when you can!Shinejilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03353174053245279899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064998953162723258.post-47865978269069158982008-03-28T03:34:00.000-07:002008-03-28T03:34:00.000-07:00For me, my anger turned into lots of fear when I b...For me, my anger turned into lots of fear when I became pregnant. Fear that I would lose the pregnancy before each important landmark (end of the first trimester, etc.) I also was in denial that I would even get a baby in a way, though when I did think about it I felt like I'd finally been granted admission to a private club. People looked at my belly and treated me like a fertile person! I finally believed at the eight month mark, when I realized that yes, I was probably going to have a baby. <BR/><BR/>After she was born, I didn't bond right away. I secretly blamed the donor egg thing, but it wasn't that; it was exhaustion. I also lived in fear that something would happen to her and I used to have "rescue" dreams regularly. At some point in that first year, after lots of prayers that God would protect my little one, I let it go. And the infertility bitterness disappeared, I think because it wasn't necessary any longer. But it came back to bite me in the a$$ now that we are trying again and other people are dictating and controlling my life once more. And two failed FETs, requiring another $25,000 for a new donor cycle didn't help either.<BR/><BR/>But, I've decided if this doesn't work, that's it for me, given our ages. And that will be OK. And I will put those bad feelings back in a box and keep them in the back of my closet, taking them out only when I need to remember what it was like so that I can help some other stirrup queen along the path.<BR/><BR/>I think that leaving the bad feelings behind is a constructive thing, and it is not at all conscious. It happens with every loss, as we move on with our lives.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com